It feels good to be writing something again. And not something half-assed like most of my posts were post baby. My brain was mush from being sleep deprived at the time so please forgive me. I want to really commit to writing as much as can. So for those of you who are still here, here is a quick update. The last few months have been insane. Not only have I had a new baby with newly diagnosed reflux and colic but we moved down to Southern California. We had to pack and move with a newborn in a matter of days. Days, people! But we survived and are loving our new place with our little man.

Speaking of Mr. Jax, here is what he looking like now-a-days…

He is doing so well. He is healthy, happy, and as you can see dresses far better than I do each day. The first two months were not easy. In fact, I think the second month was much more challenging than the first. The first month you are basking in this new baby haze and the serious sleep deprivation hasn’t quite sank in yet. Then, for me at least, month two comes around and the whole not sleeping thing sort of makes you start to go crazy. To be more specific, Jax had colic and reflux. I sort of danced around it and pretended like it wasn’t really colic. But it was. He cried and cried and I couldn’t do anything to help him. After the first two weeks, he rarely slept and if he did, he absolutely had to be held or the screaming would ensue all over again. Soothing him was like a scientific process with a 40% success rate. I know newborn fussiness tends to peak at 6 weeks so I was trying to just be patient and let him grow out of it. Eventually I had to call his pediatrician. I assumed the screaming was a reaction to gas from my strong letdown but by 5 weeks his fussiness was only getting dramatically worse. The nurses on the help line told me it was most likely really bad gas and gave me a variety of things to try–Mylicon drops, Colic Calm, laying him on an angle, burping him for 15 minutes after he eats, burping him every 3-4 minutes while he eats. I tried them all. Sometimes the Colic Calm worked but Jax pretty much laughed at all of the other options. Except he wasn’t laughing. He was screaming like he was in pain. I was up almost every hour every night with a baby that seemed so unhappy in his body. Sometimes the two of us would just sit there, rocking and cry during those late night feedings. After giving the suggestions the recommended two weeks, I practically ran into the office to meet with his doctor face to face. At that point, he started spitting up all of his meals in addition to all of the other symptoms. The doctor quickly diagnosed him with reflux.

I felt like a horrible mother. Why didn’t I take him in sooner? He wouldn’t lay on his back. Arched his back and screamed during most feedings. And now spitting up most meals. Of course he has reflux. But I didn’t know. I am new at this. The nurses I talked to on the phone did not suspect it at the time but the diagnosis made perfect sense. I am trying not to beat myself up about it but when you feel like you allowed your child to be in pain, it is hard not to feel that way. At least for me. Luckily, the diagnosis was spot on. He has been on Zantac for about a month and his symptoms have dramatically improved. I have eliminated dairy, soy, and nuts from my diet to help. The new medicine and dietary changes have made Jax a different baby. Up until a couple weeks ago I was still getting up 7-9 times a night but now he is down to 2-3 nighttime feedings. So at the moment I am focusing on the here and now and trying not to beat myself up too much about the past. And I may have put his new pediatrician on speed dial. I am so that mom now. But I don’t care.

That smiling face is so worth it.