I still cannot believe I am a mama. My baby is a week old today. Well not quite. I am not giving him one week old status until 11:01 tonight. I am just not ready for it, okay? Every day moves so fast so I am really trying to soak in every moment. The past week has been filled with so much joy and emotion. Post partum hormones are so much more intense than I ever imagined. I find myself looking at Jax and just crying. It is not that I am sad. It is just that I was in no way prepared for how full and heavy my heart would be filled with love. Every moment–even the ones where he nurses all night and my nipples feel like they might fall off– are perfect. I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I know I was made to be a mom, his mom.
Being a parent is easily the most challenging job I have ever had. The good news is that Reg and I are starting to get into a rhythm as new parents. My husband has been absolutely incredible. Since I ended up needing a C-Section (more on that later) I can’t really do much other than breastfeed and hold the baby while sitting down. Just as I imagined, Reg has taken on fatherhood with so much enthusiasm. He is up with me at every feeding, changing almost every diaper, making all the meals, doing laundry, and burping the baby. He even made a custom spreadsheet for keeping track of breastfeeding and wet/dirty diapers. Seriously he is incredible. I have fallen even more in love with him. The way he looks at me with so much love swells my heart but the way he looks at our son is downright magical. I feel so lucky to have married such a wonderful man.
And he gave me my sweet little boy. So far, Jax is easy going. Sure, lots of crying ensues when diaper changing and bath time approaches but mostly he sleep and eats. Well he sleeps for small increments in between feedings. Speaking of eating, breastfeeding is really challenging. I know everyone says this but seriously it is really, really challenging. At least it was for me this week. Going into breastfeeding, I thought that milk production was going to be my biggest hurdle. Turns out, I have plenty of milk but a baby that has some latch issues. He hated my left boob for the first three days of his life but he seems to be coming around. As natural as breastfeeding should be, it is still something that needs to be learned–by myself and the baby. I don’t know why I didn’t fully wrap my head around that while I was pregnant. Fortunately, the hospital where I delivered is incredibly supportive of breastfeeding mamas. In fact, it is almost assumed that you breastfeed so there was never a shortage of people available to help me out. Without the support of the nurses and Reggie, I am not sure if we would still be exclusively breastfeeding. I spent a lot of time crying this past week but I am so glad I did not give up. In fact, nursing has become something that I really look forward to and I know Jax does too. The bonding time is priceless. And I sort of live for the the milk drunk face that comes at the end. Kills me everytime. Other than my boobs, his other loves during his first week include making funny faces and meeting all of his new family members. I can’t wait to see what tomorrow brings.